Reality TV...

We are in an age where Reality TV shows are making up a high percentage of what is available to the viewing public, particularly the shows that have public voting. Over the last few years we’ve had a plethora of shows that get the public to vote, including such gems as “Big Brother”, “I’m a Celebrity”, “Popstars”, “Pop Idol”, “Soapstar Superstar” and “X-Factor”. All of these shows are like a licence to print money for the producers of this drivel. The X-Factor for example received approximately 8,000,000 votes just on the final show, and at 35p a vote, that makes £2,800,000. Now call me cynical, but it would appear that TV producers have caught on to this and are trying to come up with new shows with the same format and same public voting, most recently for example, “Dancing on Ice”.

“Dancing on Ice” is just like the rest with the “Ice Panel”, public voting and long and drawn out revelation of the results. When Phillip Schofield announces the couples that are through to the next week, the dramatic pauses are so clichéd, as is the “and we’ll reveal the next couple through after the commercial break” thing he does every week.

Another thing these shows have in common is that out of the panel of judges, you always have one nasty judge. People like Nigel Martin-Smith (Star for a Night), Nigel Lythgoe (Popstars), Simon Cowell (X-Factor), Billy Sammeth (Soapstar Superstar) and Jason Gardiner (Dancing on Ice), are obviously doing this for a reason... and that reason is to generate controversy and get the newspapers and the public talking about the show. The agenda is purely publicity driven in an attempt to get more viewers, more votes and thus more money.

An unfortunate side-effect of shows like “Big Brother” is it propels talentless nobodies into stardom. A perfect example of this is Jade Goody. Her only ability is to say incredibly stupid things and for that she lands her own TV series. Another example of a no talent celebrity wannabe is Lizzie Bardsley, from “Wife Swap”. What this scrounging old bag has to offer a paying audience is beyond me. She recently had to repay £5,000 in benefits for failing to declare her TV earnings, demonstrating her world-class insensateness. Now she's a "Celebrity", she's booted her husband out, obviously not needing his dole money to scrape by on.

However, back to the subject in hand... While these shows engender such financial remuneration for the TV producers, we the public will be deluged with more Reality TV shows like Love Island, Celebrity Fit Club (not “Fat” Club as it was previously known when it had “ordinary” people on it, as that might upset the precious celebrities) and Hells Kitchen, and only when they fail to make the huge sums of money they currently generate will they stop this rubbish.

Telesales

Is there anybody out there that isn’t plagued by telesales? They are the bane of modern day living… audio spam if you like. I’m not keen on using the telephone anyway, but when you receive these aggravating calls where the sales operator recites from a script regardless of what you say it really p***es me off.

The worst offender in my experience has been T-Mobile. I purchased a mobile phone from them, on an 18 month contract, and was fairly happy with things. What has become more than annoying though, is that they keep calling me to offer me a new deal, even though I have a contract, with them, and I don’t want another phone. Every time it’s the same. Now, I’m not a racist by any means, but the sales operator (yes, it’s always the same person, I recognise the way he speaks… he ends every sentence with the word “right?” which gets annoying very quickly) has an extremely strong accent which doubles the length of the conversation as I need him to constantly repeat himself because I can’t understand him. The call usually goes something like this:

Sales: “You have been specially selected to receive a brand new mobile phone, right?”

Me: “No thank you, I already have a phone.”

Sales: “But this phone is better. It’s a brand new <insert name of current super-phone>, you’ll want it, right?”

Me: “No thank you I already have a phone. It's a contract phone, and I don't want another one as I can't cancel my current contract can I?"

Sales: “Why don’t you give your phone away and get this new one, right?”

Me: “Everyone I know has a phone, and I’m not paying for two phones.”

Sales: “What about your wife? She would like this phone, why don’t you get it for her, right?”

Me: "She already has a phone and she's very happy with it."

Sales: “Let me speak to her, right?”

Me: “No. Look, we don’t want a new phone and that’s it.”

Sales: “But this is a top of the range phone, right?”

Me: “Are you listening to me?”

Sales: “It has a <insert cool feature>. You’ll want it, right?”

Me: “I DON’T WANT IT!!!”

Sales: “It’s top of the range, right?”

Me: “I DON’T want it. I’m going to hang up if you carry on.”

Sales: “It’s only £30 a month, right?”

Me: <click>

I must have had at least 10 conversations like this over the past year and it’s really starting to wear thin. Trying to stay civil is a real test of ones patience. If that wasn’t bad enough though, the most recent experience tops all previous ones.

Can you believe they actually called me on my mobile phone, to offer me a mobile phone? Now forgive me for being obtuse, but am I the only one who can see the redundancy in this? If they just took a moment to check their records, they would see I have a contract, with them, with the phone I am talking to them on. I pointed this out to the caller, that I already had a phone, hence the reason they were able to contact me on it. The caller took this rather poorly and seemed rather irritated. Not as irritated as I was for getting the stupid call in the first place. The conversation ended and that was that.

Other recent experiences, aside from T-Mobile have been repeated silent calls from an 0800 number, and automated telesales. The first time I got one of these automated calls, I thought I was getting a call from Steven Hawking. Since then I recognise the call and just hang up.

I would like to round off this post by saying I'm not a rude or discourteous person by nature, but these people would try the patience of Jesus Christ himself.

The X-Factor

Now that the X-Factor* is over and the dust has settled, I thought I’d write about the show from a viewers perspective.

This year they decided to have “themed” shows, where a special guest would appear on the show, and the contestants would sing songs by the special guest. Now, call me cynical, but every guest they had on the show, without exception, spookily enough had a compilation album released the week they appeared on the show. This to me, is commercialism of the highest order, spoon-feeding this blatant advertising to the public, rather than a genuine interest in the show and the contestants.

One of the worst protagonists was Rod Stewart. The week he was a special guest and the contestants all had to sing Rod Stewart songs was a joke. Rod Stewart has been around for over 35 years, so you would imagine there is a huge back-catalogue of songs to choose from, and you’d be correct. However, most of his “hits” have been cover versions… like “Sailing” and “The First Cut Is The Deepest”. How this hypocrite could stand there and take the plaudits for the tracks performed by the contestants beggars belief. 8 out of the 11 tracks performed on the night were covers when Rod Stewart released them. Even when he performed himself he did a cover. This man is the paragon of unoriginality. If that wasn’t bad enough… he had the nerve to critique the acts by saying they sung sharp. Sharp? He wouldn’t know sharp if it stabbed him in the ass. He has a novelty voice that quickly becomes tiresome and he couldn’t even sing his “own” song in tune, yet he felt the need to establish his pre-eminent authority on singing by criticizing the contestants who are, let’s face it, much better than him.

If that wasn’t bad enough, he called the acts rubbish on a radio show, undoubtedly trying to gain some credibility by slagging off the show, as it’s not “cool” to like it, yet he wants the publicity from being on the show to rejuvenate his flagging career and promote the entirely unoriginal album he’s just released. It’s as if he was jealous of the contestants because they sang “his” songs better than he can, hence why he couldn’t give credit where it was due and just criticized the acts instead of complimenting them. He just proves himself spineless, greedy and out for what he can get for himself, i.e. record sales.

In stark contrast, some of the other special guests… Bjorn Ulvaeus and Barry Manilow for example, were complimentary without being patronising, and were constructive and helpful, and they at least WROTE THEIR OWN DAMN SONGS!!!

In the end though… the right person won the show, and hopefully will go on to greater things.

*The X-Factor for those unfamiliar with it, is a singing talent competition, where viewers vote for their favourite act and the one with the lowest votes goes out of the competition, and the winner gets a £1,000,000 record contract.

First Post...

Welcome to Mr. Grumpy's Blog. This blog isn't about a particular subject. It's a place for me to express my opinions on various topics, and relate day-to-day experiences, or just to have a moan. I don't claim to be a great writer, but I'll do my best to make things interesting and entertaining.